Gentlemen, life will knock you down. That’s a guarantee. Maybe you’re feeling that right now. It’s like the rug’s been pulled from under you and you’re flat on your back, wondering how to even begin getting up. I want you to know that you’re not alone. As men, a lot of us carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and try to tough it out in silence, because you know…that’s what a man is supposed to do. But real strength isn’t about pretending everything is good. Real strength is getting back up even when everything isn’t good.
When Life Hits Hard (and It Will)
Life can hit like a freight train when you least expect it. One day things are going smoothly, and the next, you’re dealing with something you never saw coming – a job loss, a breakup, a health scare, or just the crushing weight of stress and expectations. It hurts, plain and simple. It knocks the wind out of you and leaves you questioning your worth. I know this because I’ve been there, more than once.
I’ve had moments where I felt completely beaten down by life. There were times when I thought, “I don’t know if I wanna be here anymore.” But here’s the truth: falling down is inevitable. Every man stumbles. Every man gets hit with something that brings him to his knees at some point. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s part of being human. What defines you is after you get knocked down. Do you stay down, or do you find a way to stand back up?
Too Proud to Ask for Help
For many men their first instinct when they’re hurting is to hide it. We men are taught to “man up,” to keep our problems to ourselves and never show weakness. Pride can be a stubborn master. I used to wear my pride like armor, thinking I had to solve every problem on my own. I thought asking for help would make me less of a man. So, when I was at my lowest, I plastered on a fake smile and told everyone I was “good.” Sound familiar?
The problem with that approach is that suffering in silence only deepens the pain. I learned this the hard way. The longer I kept everything bottled up, the heavier it all felt. Inside, I was drowning, but outside I acted like I had it all together. It’s exhausting trying to maintain that facade. And it’s lonely, too. When life knocked me down, my pride kept me from grabbing the hand that could help me up. I had to learn that letting someone in wasn’t a sign of weakness – it was a sign of wisdom.
My Battle with Depression
A few times in my life, I found myself utterly lost. I had fallen deeply into depression. I knew there were people who cared for me, and still I felt completely alone and hopeless. One time as I drove home from work, I could picture waking down a train track with the train speeding towards me, but I felt powerless to get off the damn tracks. I cried until I nearly loss my breath. I thought that if I called a friend, my pain would be a burden to them. Taking my life seemed like it just might be my only option.
Depression has a way of twisting your mind. It tells you lies – that you’re alone, that nobody cares, that you’re a failure, that nothing will ever get better. I remember times lying awake at night, staring at the ceiling, feeling profound hopelessness. I questioned my purpose. I questioned why I should even bother trying anymore. Here I was, a grown man, feeling broken and ashamed of my own sadness. I thought I had to tough it out, that it would magically disappear if I just ignored it. But anyone who’s been through depression knows it’s not that simple.
Swallowing My Pride: Getting Help
My turning point came when I finally broke free form the pride that was strangling me and reached out for help. Trust me, that was one of the hardest but one of the best things I’ve ever done. In my mind, I was thinking, “Guys like me don’t do this. I’m supposed to handle my own problems.” But sitting in that chair and talking to a professional was not defeat – it was the start of taking my life back.
Working with a therapist taught me that asking for help is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to say, “I can’t do this alone.” Through therapy, I began to untangle the knots in my head. I learned ways to cope with negative thoughts instead of letting them control me. I learned it’s okay to cry, to vent, to let it out in a safe space. Bit by bit, session by session, I started feeling the weight lift. I realized how many of us quietly fight the same battles. And I want to tell you, there’s no shame in getting help – whether it’s a professional, a trusted friend, or a mentor. You aren’t any less of a man for needing support. If anything, you’re more of one for having the guts to seek it.
When You Feel Like a Failure
One of the lowest points in my journey was when I felt like an absolute failure. Maybe you know that feeling – when you look at your life and all you can see are the things that went wrong. I remember after my divorce, and after a couple of business ideas that fell apart, I sat alone thinking, “I’ve failed at marriage, failed at love, failed at my goals. Maybe I’m just not good enough.” It was like a highlight reel of my mistakes was playing on loop in my head. Every shortcoming, every rejection, every plan that crashed and burned – they all came back to haunt me.
Feeling like a failure is a special kind of pain for a proud man. It eats away at your self-worth. I questioned my value as a friend, as a partner, as a man. I wondered if all my best years and achievements were behind me, and now I was just defined by these losses. It’s a dark, lonely place to be.
But here’s something I learned in that darkness: our minds can be liars. When you’re down, your mind will fixate on the negative and completely ignore the positive. Mine did. I had to make a deliberate effort to remind myself of the things I’d accomplished, big and small, just to break that negative spell.
Remembering Who You Are (and What You’ve Done)
Once when I was In the thick of feeling like a failure, I did something that felt a bit uncomfortable at first: I sat down and thought about the list of things I’ve accomplished in my life. It felt silly, maybe even a little self-indulgent, but it was a game changer. I thought about everything I could think of that I was proud of – times I stepped up for my family and friends, projects I completed, obstacles I overcame, people I helped, skills I learned.
And you know what? That list surprised me. I had been so focused on what went wrong that I forgot about all the things that went right. I remembered that I built a career from nothing, that I learned to play the piano and even composed music. I remembered that I’ve been a good friend to people in need. I remembered that I survived tough times in the past – times even worse than what I was facing at the time and came out stronger. Line by line, the evidence was right there in front of me that I am not a failure. I had proof that I matter, that I’ve made a difference, and that I still have a lot to offer.
This is something I urge you to do if you ever feel worthless: take stock of your wins, however small they may seem. Maybe you fixed up a broken car, maybe you stood by a friend when he had nothing, maybe you taught your kid something valuable, or maybe you just got out of bed this morning when everything in you wanted to stay under the covers. Those are victories. Those are signs of strength. When life knocks you down, remembering who you are and what you’ve already overcome is fuel to help you stand back up.
Heartbreak and Second Chances
Out of all the hits life has given me, one of the hardest was the heartbreak of divorce. I never expected to be divorced. When I said “I do,” I meant it for life. But life doesn’t always go according to plan. The end of my marriage was devastating. It shattered my confidence and left me feeling deeply alone. I remember coming home to an empty house, eating dinner by myself in silence, and then lying in a half-empty bed at night with nothing but my thoughts. It’s a kind of loneliness that really cuts deep.
After my divorce, I truly believed I’d never find love again. I thought, “Who’s gonna want a broken guy like me? Maybe I’m meant to be alone.” I can remember driving in my car and screaming until I had no voice left. I was sick with loneliness. Seeing happy couples or families felt like salt in the wound. It seemed like everyone else had figured it out, and here I was, alone and convinced I’d missed my only shot at happiness.
But life is funny. Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out – when you’re sure that your story is done and the best chapters are behind you – something (or someone) comes along to prove you wrong. In my case, eventually, I did meet someone new. It didn’t happen overnight; it took time, and it happened when I least expected it. I was busy rebuilding myself, learning to enjoy my own company, focusing on being the best version of me… and that’s when love showed up again, right in the middle of my ordinary life.
Finding love again taught me a powerful lesson: never say never. Just because one chapter ended in heartbreak doesn’t mean the book of your life is closed. I learned that I was capable of loving and being loved, even after all that I had been through. It made me realize that sometimes life’s harshest endings are just new beginnings in disguise. If you’re going through a heartbreak or a loss right now, I want you to hear this: there are second chances waiting for you. Maybe in ways you don’t expect. Stay open to them. Life might surprise you yet.
Always a Student of Life
All these experiences – the gut punches, the failures, the lonely nights and the eventual triumphs – have taught me one thing for sure: I am always learning. In fact, I have a personal motto that sums it up perfectly: “I am a student of life, in pursuit of a degree I will never earn.” What does that mean? It means no matter how old I get or how much I think I know; I’ll never have it all figured out, and that’s okay. Life will continue to teach me new lessons at every turn. Some lessons will come from pain, some from joy, and many from just getting up every day and doing my best.
Being a student of life means embracing a mindset of growth. Every time I got knocked down, I came back a little wiser, even if I earned some scars in the process. Those scars remind me of what I’ve overcome. They remind me that I can survive, adapt, and grow. I’ve learned to approach each challenge now with a bit of curiosity – what is this experience teaching me? Even when I don’t immediately see the answer, I trust that somehow, some way, each struggle is making me stronger or smarter.
You’re a student of life too. We all are. You might not have realized it, but every day you’re collecting insights and strength that you didn’t have the day before. That tough situation you’re in right now is teaching you something about resilience, about who you are, about what really matters to you. You won’t get a diploma or award for it, but you will get the wisdom and the strength.
How to Stand Back Up: Lessons Learned
Let me share a few key lessons I’ve picked up on how to stay strong when life knocks you down. These are the truths that keep me going, and I hope they can help you too:
- Don’t deny the pain. When you’re hurt, acknowledge it. It’s okay to not be okay. Give yourself permission to feel. You can’t heal what you don’t allow yourself to feel.
- Check your pride at the door. Suffering in silence doesn’t make you a hero, it just prolongs the pain. It’s brave to ask for help when you need it – whether from a professional, a friend, or a family member. You don’t have to carry the burden alone.
- Remember your victories. Make a mental (or physical) list of things you’ve overcome or achieved in life. Remind yourself of your strengths and positive qualities. Those wins are proof that you are capable, no matter what your inner critic says during tough times.
- Embrace the lesson. Every setback has something to teach. It might teach you to be more patient, more compassionate, more determined, or just more understanding of yourself. Instead of just asking “Why me?”, try asking “What can I learn from this?” It’s not easy, but it shifts your mindset from victim to student of life.
- Stay open to new beginnings. Today’s despair can be tomorrow’s hope. The chapter you’re in right now is not your whole story. Keep your heart and mind open – good things can and will happen in time. Love, success, happiness can come back into your life when you least expect it.
Each of these steps has helped me stand back up when I was down. They aren’t magic fixes, nothing is. But they build a foundation inside you, a mindset that won’t be easily broken by the next storm that comes your way.
The Strength to Keep Standing
I won’t sugarcoat it, climbing out of the darkness is tough. It takes time, and progress often comes in frustratingly small steps. But with each step, you build strength. With each little victory – each morning you get out of bed, each negative thought you challenge, each day you refuse to give up – you’re proving to yourself that you have what it takes to keep going.
Staying strong isn’t about never falling; it’s about always choosing to rise again. It’s about knowing deep down that you are worth fighting for. You, reading this right now – you are worth fighting for. Don’t let anyone, not even that voice in your head, tell you otherwise.
If life has you on your knees today, remember that the fight isn’t over. Take a breath, look in the mirror, and remind yourself who you are. You’ve survived every bad day up to now, and you’ll survive this one too. Stand tall, even if you’re trembling. Take it one day, one hour, or one minute at a time. You will find your footing again.
Keep fighting. Keep standing back up. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone.
Thank you for reading. I invite you to keep coming back to The Stand-Up Man platform. We’re in this together, and as long as you keep showing up, I’ll be right here standing with you, every step of the way.
Stay Fly and Fly High!
Ken